My Journey into Vipassana

“A spiritual tradition is not a shallow stream in which one can wet one’s feet and then beat a quick retreat to the shore. It is a mighty, tumultuous river which would rush through the entire landscape of one’s life, and if one truly wishes to travel on it, one must be courageous enough to launch one’s boat and head out for the depths.”
Bhikkhu Bodhi

Launching my boat off the shore to explore the waters of Vipassana meditation I had no notion of the depths that I’d get to plunge into. I haven’t had any preexisting points of reference or precedents to warn me of the magnitude of its silent yet penetrating healing powers. Not only was it going to open all the doors into the fields of deeply rooted ignorance, but also granted me time, space, and support in facing the contents of the most hidden islands, shadows, blind spots, and treasures of my being-ness.

Yes, dear ones, no more hiding. No more running away.
No more denying the truth of our intrinsic human misery.
You see it like it is. For real.
And then you face it. And you disintegrate it. And you dissect it. And you dissolve it.
And then you go deeper. And deeper still.
Only you and the boat.
You persevere.
Until you reach total liberation from suffering and full enlightenment.
Untill you become purely GOLD.


Rumi seems to understand this very process when he writes:

“In the state you have attained, you have become gold;
now you must transform even more of yourself into gold;
you have to come to a time when you will enter the furnace,
begin to boil,
and offer yourself up for hammering on the anvil of mortification by the blows of the Coiner,
so you can become a ring worthy of Solomon or an earring that could adorn an Emperor.
Most of the seekers you see are just imitators;
they will become authentic when they dare to enter the hearth of love,
and when they endure on the anvil of patience the blows of misery and suffer impossible situations;
then, after many ordeals,
they will find purity,
and become the mirror of God.”


The Context:

Vipassana, one of India's most ancient meditation techniques, was rediscovered by Gotama the Buddha more than 2500 years ago.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gautama_Buddha

Vipassana, a Pali word is often translated as insight or clear-seeing, simply means seeing things as they really are. Seeing their ultimate truth. Top to bottom. Front and back. Sideways. In all dimensions.

Vipassana is a process of self-purification and alchemization by silent self-observation. This scientific and simple method of directly experiencing the natural changing nature of breath, mind, and body unravels immediate insight into the truth of one’s reality. It unveils the magnitude of the impact of one’s mind’s defilements on the quality of their inner and outer life. It is the way of complete eradication of all sources of suffering and bondage at their root. These sources, according to Buddha’s teaching, are craving, aversion, and ignorance. Meditator starts walking on the path towards the absence of hate, fear, greed, and delusion, and the presence of peace, happiness, love, and equanimity.

The 10 day course:
All who attend take refuge in the Buddha- the qualities of enlightenment.
All who attend take refuge in the Dhamma- the laws of nature.
All who attend take refuge in the Sangha- the qualities of enlightened persons.

All who attend a Vipassana course must conscientiously undertake the following five precepts for the duration of the course:

1. to abstain from killing or hurting any being;
2. to abstain from stealing;
3. to abstain from all sexual activity;
4. to abstain from telling lies or speaking in a harsh, slanderous, or rambling manner;
5. to abstain from all intoxicants.

For the duration of the course students observe complete Noble Silence.

The course timetable:
4.00 am- Morning wake up bell
4.30 - 6.30- Meditate in the hall or in your room
6:30 - 8:00 am- Breakfast break
8. 00 - 9.00 am- Group meditation in the hall
9:00 -11:00 am- Meditate in the hall or in your room
11:00 -12:00 pm- Lunch break
12.00 -1:00 pm- Rest and interviews with the teacher
1:00 - 2:30 pm- Meditate in the hall or in your room
2:30 - 3:30 pm- Group meditation in the hall
3:30 - 5:00 pm- Meditate in the hall or in your own room according to the teacher's instructions
5:00 - 6:00 pm- Tea break
&.00 - 8.15 pm- Discourse in the hall
8.15 - 9.00 pm- Group meditation in the hall
9.00 - 9.30 pm- Question time in the hall
9.30 pm- Retire to you room; Lights out

My journey as a Vipassana student:

Ever since I was a young child, I would be told to abide to an all mighty powerful vengeful external God whom I am able to coerce into saving me from hell, if I am to be a good girl. I still remember my teacher’s words, at a mandatory religion class in elementary school: “It is better to believe, even if at the end of the road it turns out God doesn’t exist, that not to believe and get sent down to hell at the finish line. Guys, can you see that you have nothing to loose. You can only gain.” Now, entering Vipassana, I was told to set aside all superstition, all mysticism, or all my magic tricks, and simply work for my own liberation. Work hard, work diligently, and work patiently. Liberation lies in my own heart, in my own being, within, rather than with an external invisible God in the sky.

For the first three days I was to practice Anapana meditation. That means to sit still for almost 10 hours a day, and observe respiration flowing in and out of the nose, noticing, acknowledging, and accepting all that comes up. As I discovered later, this was only the prelude to the real work.
Why I put myself through such a rigorous challenging process? To free my Self from the shackles of mental slavery and negativity, to free myself from old destructive patterns of avoiding or reacting to certain body sensations, and establish peace and harmony. Once and for all.

I was stunned to notice how quickly the stuff shows up. It was pretty immediate. Within 5-10 sec my mind would take me on a roller-coater ride into all thoughts, feelings, sensations, memories, fantasies, and habits that weren’t loving, truthful, empowering, or compassionate. I had not a slightest idea nor any conscious recollection of all these petty tugs I had created and had let slide. Like, for example: I am 12 years old when I deliberately run in front of an old lady on a wheel chair thinking ‘ha ha, you can’t run like me’. “What a little discriminating ignorant jerk!” I reacted. Immediately, my body got flooded with gross unpleasant sensations that my mind interpreted as guilt and shame. It was full blown aversion and ill will towards myself. No more focus, no more peace, no more willingness to face anything, no more compassion. Yet, I am supposed to not react, to simply observe, accept, and maintain equanimity. Well, sometimes it ain’t easy. We struggle and persevere. What other choice remains? To remain in the dark? Thanks, but no thanks.
This example above is simply to illustrate the most inner direct experience of what this process might look like. And there were thousands of such mini dramas. And, this was very tinnie vinnie caliber ammo. I think you get the picture?

On the fourth day, we were introduced to the actual technique of Vipassana. It took us three days to develop fine tuned concentration and a pattern of non-reaction before we were allowed to do the real work. I will never forget the heavy density in the room, and the utter discomfort where I was, as we scanned the entire body for the first time, in search of sensations. That means any sensations, such as heat, cold, pressure, tingling, throbbing, pain, numbness, etc. That means seeing the ultimate truth of the reality within the framework of one’s body. Seeing it as it is, not as we would like it to be.

Immediately I was struck by my unhealthy addicted mind, heavy painful body, and a strong hold of my personality on my being-ness. I was terrified of facing the truth. I was terrified of letting things go. I was terrified of the strength of my ego-ic habits. I was terrified of doing it all on my own. I was terrified of my my own deeply rooted inclination to react. I was terrified of having to be so vigilant, moment by moment. I didn’t want to wake up. Once again I say, it wasn’t easy. As the days progressed, I reached deeper and deeper in the closet, deeper and deeper into the hidden chest, deeper and deeper into the boxes in it, and deeper and deeper into envelopes neatly stacked in each box. It seemed like a journey of no return, no exit, no finish line, going on and on and on. “Does this ever end?”- I kept asking.
Systematic, increasingly refined and increasingly subtle self-observation, eventually without reaction, started to induce changes. Intensity, magnification, as well as amount and type of circulating thoughts and sensations were altered. Anger, fear, passion, and pain became less overwhelming and less threatening. The biology and composition of the body, thought and reaction patterns, eating habits, daily lifestyle, and expressions of distress and pleasure were altered.

What remains still and will continue..is wanting and craving and attaching as well disliking and creating aversion, and not being aware of what I am not aware of. The difference is that it’s up to me to react to it and run around after distractions to cover that, or to sit, breathe, and face it. To observe. To accept. To move through it. To love myself, and others. To have compassion, for self and other.


Keep on shining, inside and out!

to be a warrior or not to be a warrior?

The way of cowardice is to embed ourselves in a cocoon, in which we perpetuate out habitual patterns. When we are constantly recreating our basic patterns of behavior and thought, we never have to leap into fresh air or onto fresh ground.
Chogyam Trungpa

As I was rushing through some day-to-day tasks the other day, my restless mind on a mission, body on fast and shallow inhalations, dehydrated, my foundation flaky and weak, out of the blue a profound yet simple epiphany run through my system...

All of my immeasurably fascinating dysfunctions, neuroses, emotions, inner child stuff, moments of shame and doubt, projections, self-loathing, misanthropy, and all that completely normal insanity...was caused by an underlying ever-present fear.

FEAR of LIGHT. Fear of One-ness. Fear of Divinity. Fear of Spirit. Fear of facing the Truth. Fear of the Great Central Sun...
And what I mean by that is simply being afraid of acknowledging and appreciating my existence as a human being~ that inner basic GOODNESS, that wakefulness..our innate SOURCE of radiance, dignity, and self-love.

How many times have you been willing to look at your face in the mirror, without being embarrassed? How many times have you shielded yourself by reading the newspaper, watching tv, eating, or simply spacing out? How much have you connected with yourself at all in your life? How many times have you faced YOURSELF?

Let's remember that acknowledging fear is NOT a cause for depression or discouragement. Because we experience such fear- we can also experience fearlessness.
It is not a reduction of fear. It is going beyond it. Going right through it.

fear= excitement - breath

So as I was suddenly hit by that realization yesterday, I made a conscious choice to lie down, feel the anxiety and discomfort of facing MYSELF, and simply follow the flow of my breath, making sure that each inhalation led to TOTAL fullness and each exhalation led to TOTAL emptiness.

So through mere practice of following your breath as it goes out and dissolves, creating space, and letting yourself BE- you are connecting with your heart. You actually develop genuine sympathy towards yourself!

When you awaken your heart in this way, you find, to your surprise, that your heart and maybe even your entire body is EMPTY. You find that you are looking into outer space. You can't find anything tangible and solid. You feel sore, tender, and sad because your heart is completely open and exposed ..
(you might also find something very solid, tight, and contracted when you hold a grudge or un-forgiveness)

THIS IS what gives birth to FEARLESSNESS and WARRIORSHIP.
WE are willing to open up, extend yourself to others, communicate..and, to our astonishment, we literally begin to SEE LIGHT, even if it is hazy at first.

We find that we are genuine and good as we are. In fact, the whole of existence is well constructed with very little room for mishaps oh any kind. There are constant challenges but once you know your cowardice, once you know where your stumbling block is, you can climb over it. NO BIGGIE!
A true warrior is on a continual journey.
To become A WARRIOR we need to learn to be genuine in every moment of our life.



Shine, inside and out. :)

The Unconscious Mind aka The Dreambody...what?

According to Arnold Mindell, this so called "dreambody" is an active agent constantly expressing itself in our lives..
(a psychologist with impeccable credentials, a training analyst at the Jung Institute in Zurich, an author of half a dozen books, a founder of his own training centre)

That means that dreams, physical symptoms, relationships, accidents, altered states of consciousness, etc. -- all are manifestations of the unconscious mind in action.

This process manifests itself in many different ways, depending on the channel in which we perceive it.
-So, firstly, you feel things inside your body in terms of temperatures, pressures, pains, aches, joys, sexual stimulation, and so forth.

-Or you experience things in terms of visual imagery, or in terms of auditory phenomena, like voices, or in terms of movement -- the way you trip over your shoelaces or make certain kinds of gestures, or even in terms of relationship processes.

-Other people can act as sensory channels for you; you can experience yourself in terms of the behavior of others.
This causes us to project parts of ourselves onto such people, and it also causes us to choose them as partners so that we can work things out with them.
When I say, "So-and-so feels this or that," I may actually be saying that I feel this or that, though I haven't yet identified this person as a channel of awareness in myself.

-And the process also manifests itself through extrasensory or parapsychological channels:
the trees do things; the sky appeals to us. This is the core channel of the American Indians.

He also believes that all bodily processes, such as feelings, sensations, pains, habitual gestures and movements, even chronic illnesses, have a deeper hidden meaning/ message that could be revealed to us if we amplify and follow them.

Like the Taoist philosophers, Mindell wholeheartedly believes that what happens to us in each moment is exactly what was meant to happen. Our task is only to learn to follow this process as it unfolds and thereby help it to reveal its deeper significance. A physical symptom, for example, may force us to deal with a relationship issue, get us in touch with a mythological figure, resolve an old childhood dream, or guide us into a profound meditative state.

Mindell encourages us to be aware of what's happening on all levels and to be ready to welcome rather than reject it- be in the flow of our perceptions and value all of them. After all, what else is there? Our perceptions are the only reality we know. If we believe other people's perceptions instead of our own, we've disowned ourselves, and pretty soon we've stopped loving ourselves too. But if we value our perceptions and follow them, we can eventually become whole.

Now we know that if you reject, judge, suppress, deject, deny any of your perceptions, that negative energy will go into your body, into a less tractable process, maybe a cellular or metabolic or cancerlike process.
Or it goes into your partner, who hates you. Or it goes into accidents on the street corner or into the collective, for you and me to pick up. Devaluing certain perceptions and just letting them go is like tossing wastepaper onto the street. Somebody has to clean it up eventually.

Spiritual practices talk a lot about compassion, but compassion also means having compassion toward all your perceptions, even the unhappy or unfortunate ones, and trying to process them.
For example, what if you're really furious with your partner? If you act nice and pretend not to be angry, your partner will pick up on the anger anyway. Whereas if you work with the signals of that fury, it can carry you through to another place.

Mindell's definition of the process of individual growth/ transformation:

There seem to be a number of different phases or stages to the evolution of consciousness.

-There's a stage of analytical awareness, in which you look inside yourself, notice different aspects, have some insights, and start to think about them. At this point you might try to figure things out or apply a program to yourself; you might start meditating or get into Jungian analysis or some other form of talk therapy.

-Then there is what I call the Buddhist stage, in which you notice things and let them go through you. Here you develop what the buddhists call the witness consciousness. After you've done this for a long time, you start noticing that many of the thoughts and emotions don't really go through, they get stuck.

-Then you might consider a process-oriented stage, where you notice things arising, but, instead of letting them go, you get on top of them and ride them, helping them pass through more rapidly by amplifying or intensifying them.

-After that, there is still a further stage, in which you realize that everything you're doing is just a phase, and that the different methods work fine for different times in your life, depending on what is happening to you in a given moment.

Adapted from
http://theicarusproject.net/alternative-treatments/interview-with-arnold-mindell

Healing potential of the chakra system

Chakra is a Sanskrit word that literally means "wheel of light".
The first modern description of chakra energies or of what we call the aura or auric field was made by Isaac Newton in 1729.
In his paper he spoke of an " electromagnetic" light, a subtle, vibrating, electric, and elastic medium" that was excitable and exhibited phenomena such as: repulsion, attraction, sensation, and motion.
The auric or electromagnetic field is generated by the spinning of the chakras. As it spins, each chakra produces its own electromagnetic field. Vibration, color, and sound are all interrelated, and all three represent a means of determining or monitoring the frequency of energy in the auric field.

It is generally understood that there are SEVEN major chakras ~ energy centers ~ within the body. Each of them has physical, emotional, creative, and celestial attributes. Each of them also has its own purpose or viewpoint based upon the area of consciousness that it influences.
The specific purpose or viewpoint of each chakra dictates a particular attitude toward reality, mind of its own per say.

1st/Root- RED COLOR, physical body
Self-preservation, Survival, Security and Safety in the world, Concepts
Base of spine
Glands:
Male:
Testes- controls sexual development in males and the production of sperm
Female: Ovaries- controls sexual development in females and the production of eggs
Gemstone: Ruby
Animal: Snake

2nd/Spleen- ORANGE COLOR, emotional body
Emotionality, Sexuality, Creativity, Clairscentience
A few finger widths below the navel
Gland:
Pancreas- controls the level of sugar in the blood
Gemstone: Aquamarine
Animal: Aquatic animals

3rd/Solar Plexus- YELLOW COLOR, mental body
Personal Power, Sense of Control, Opinions, Judgments
Solar Plexus, above the navel
Gland:
Adrenals- control salt and water balance in the body and help prepare for
fight or flight or freeze response
Gemstone:Topaz
Animal: Birds

4th/Heart- GREEN COLOR, astral body
Ability to give and receive Love, Transformation, Peace, Compassion
Center of chest
Gland:
Thymus- controls the production of infection fighting withe blood cells
Gemstone: Emerald
Animal: Mammal 4legged

5th/Throat- BLUE COLOR, etheric body
Communication, Self-Expression, Justice, Truth, Perfection
Base of neck and throat
Gland:
Thyroid- controls rate of fuel use in the body and body development
Gemstone: Lapis, Saphire
Animal: Human

6th/Third Eye- INDIGO COLOR, celestial body
Clairvoyance, Psychic phenomena, Inspiration, Insight, Illumination
Above and between the eyebrows
Gland:
Pituitary- controls bone growth and regulates activity in the other endocrine glands
Gemstone: Alexandrite, Amethyst
Animal: Archetypes

7th/Crown- PURPLE or WHITE COLOR, ketheric body
Release and surrender, Oneness, Connection with the Divine, Higher Spiritual Information
Crown/ top of the head
Gland:
Pineal- regulation of the body's circadian rhythms and reproduction
Gemstone: Diamond
Animal: kachinas


Since chakras are connected to endocrine secretion and the production of hormones, the application of energy may in fact encourage or modulate these secretions. There may also be a connection with some of the neurotransmitters manufactured by the brain.
A healer can detect electrodynamic or energy inconsistencies through touch or sight, or biofeedback mechanism. Clearing, toning, and rebalancing of energies through healing, may then be taken. When a healer is channeling energy into a person, they will often feel a vibration ( so does the client) within his own body, can see or kinesthetically sense the color of that energy, or even hear the sound of the color being channeled.

Some usual effects of such healing are:

*Becoming Present in the NOW
*An increased feeling & sense of well-being
*Clarity of ideas & purpose
*More self-confidence & personal power
*Greater insight into one's self and others
*Physical Healings & Pain release
*Expansive abilities
*Restoration of joy & laughter in life
*Better communication & understanding in relationships
*Feeling balanced & centered in a deepening experience of love
*A higher level of Awakening Spiritually and living consciously
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5zkeY

Adapted from "Wheels of Light. Charkas, Auras, and the Healing Energy of the Body." by Rosalym L. Bruyere